you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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