the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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