happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
