I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
