Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
