I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
