Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
