I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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