I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
