mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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