The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
