Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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