Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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