Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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