so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
