Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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