Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
should my penis look like a turkey
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
