At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
