last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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