Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
