I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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