Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize