Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize