your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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