did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
