our cab driver is having phone sex.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
