I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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