had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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