Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
