I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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