I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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