i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
