Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
