just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
