Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
soo... how was my night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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