i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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