Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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