My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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