So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
