my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
