Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
