It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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