It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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