Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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