she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
