wake up i wanna do it froggy style
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
