By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
