That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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