I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
