So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize