So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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