Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
