I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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