"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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