i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
