New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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