I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
