I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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