I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
