eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
