Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
