Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
