I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
