Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
