why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
