I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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