currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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