You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
