It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
