i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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