That's when you crack a 10am beer
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Randomize