Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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