People in love make me want to vomit
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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