Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
