First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
