i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
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