Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
