sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
...so i touched it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize