He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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