My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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