we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
