Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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