1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you inspire me to be a worse person
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
