just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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