I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
