If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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