Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize