Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
