i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
