he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
