Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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