i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
