WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
