nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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