its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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