i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my poor anus
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
