you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
