So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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